D3 body, D1 cock
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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