I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
