Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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