you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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