he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
