Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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