someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
