Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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