I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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