he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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