I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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