So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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