it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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