Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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