Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
