You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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