i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
