'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
