life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
