i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
