Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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