someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
