I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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