I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
