It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
