he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
