She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
