I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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