When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
