you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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