I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize