almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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