About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
