So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
