FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
