i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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