how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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