im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize