So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
