it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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