We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
soo... how was my night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
