it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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