i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
