i think i have two assholes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
