You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
