Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i think i just lost a toe
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
wow bdsm is so cute
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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