You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
