she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
