the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
