and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
