Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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