Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
