I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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