im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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