The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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