ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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