Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
