Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
