he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My vagina just recognized that song.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
