I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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