We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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