I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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