I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
