So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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