i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
