So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
