whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
