I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
