She said her name was "party"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
