i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
