i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
