he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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