exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
