I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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