Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
