dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
