my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
