This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
