FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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