she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
