He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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