I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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