I think I died a long time ago.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
