apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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