I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
