'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
