did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
