If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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